The Ten Girls at Jazzercise I want to Slap with my Jazz Hands! #Jazzercise #Fitness

jazz

I love me some Jazzercise! It’s such an amazing workout and I have fun doing it! But it never fails that there are some ladies who refuse to follow a few simple guidelines and somehow I get stuck standing by one every time! This is dedicated to all my Jazzy friends and offenders!

1. Space Invader Sandy

Sandy has no concept of personal face and she is all up in mine. Ironically I only run into Sandy when I don’t have the tolerance to stand her. It’s like a sixth sense with Sandy. She knows I had an awful morning, fought with my husband, yelled at my children, stepped in dog poop and narrowly escaped the house to get some ME time with a good workout. Sensing my need to for space, Sandy Invades. She doesn’t line up like everyone else or take an empty spot. She gets in MY spot, six inches from my face.

2. Gassy Gabby

Gabby must have stopped off at the Chinese Restaurant next door before coming to class before she has bad gas. Gabby isn’t a one time offender either. She doesn’t just let it slip once. It’s like a slow seep and just when you think it’s safe to take a deep, refreshing breath; the smell almost brings you to your knees. Since it’s not during a stretch, you look a little conspicuous hitting the deck at the wrong moment.

3. Bare Minimum Marcy

I don’t know why Marcy even shows up to class. She’s barely moving! She’s going through the motions and technically doing the steps but if she broke 100 calories I’d be surprised. Maybe she just blew out her hair and doesn’t want to get sweat in it. Maybe she has a hot date after class and doesn’t want to smell. Marcy doesn’t even look like she wants to be there. Go home Marcy. You’re taking up space.

4. Rule Breaking Ruth

Ruth breaks the rules in life so why should Jazzercise be any different? Ruth breezes in ten minutes late after parking in the Handicap space and dropping off her son with a bag of peanuts in the room clearly marked “no peanuts.” She then proceeds to break the few rules during the course of the class.

“Please make sure not to drop your weights on the new floors.” BAM!

“Remember you have to stay for the whole class to get credit for the attendance competition” as Ruth waltzes out the door five minutes before class ends.

5. Teachers Pet Tiffany

Tiffany can be spotted pretty easily because she’s always parked front and center in class. Every time the teacher asks a questions, she screams the answer. She has a permanent smile plastered on her face because you know, that’s how everyone feels when they are working out. She follows all the rules and gives 110% every time.

6. Zoned out Zoe

I must admit, this is me. Zoe goes somewhere else mentally during Jazzercise. She’s too busy punishing her body and working out her frustration to pay attention during class. Then suddenly she snaps to attention. Did she just say my name? Or was that Wendy or Staisy or another “e” sounding name? Did she ask how I’m doing or if I had great sex last night? Hmm, thumbs up is always a safe answer.

7. Singing Stephanie

They do play the latest, catchiest songs at Jazzercise. I find myself humming the tunes throughout the day and I might even bust a move when one of the songs comes on in the grocery store. But Stephanie takes this to a whole new level. Stephanie belts out every song, every time, every class, the entire time. Stephanie is never a good singer. The good singers are quiet. Stephanie is tone deaf and standing right behind you.

8. Opposite Olivia

Poor Olivia. She doesn’t know her left from her right and her front from her back. If you’re coming, she’s going. If you’re forwards, she’s backwards. Olivia has probably experienced several injuries at Jazzercise from being slapped upside the head with some Jazz hands.

9. Body Odor Brenda

Brenda stinks. Unlike Gassy Gabby who only stinks every five to ten minutes, Brenda stinks all. the. time. Hey I don’t shower before Jazzercise either. Why on earth would I do that? I’m going to get all sweaty and stink. I do however, do a courtesy pit check. I slap on another layer of deodorant before class – ALWAYS. If it’s extra bad, I do a quick baby wipe before applying. It’s common courtesy ladies. You are going to be raising your arms in the air and waving them like you just don’t care. Well we do. We care.

10. Workout Barbie

Workout Barbie looks like a doll from head to toe. Her hairband matches the laces on her shoes and her outfit is perfect but not too matchy matchy. She looks well put together always and even though she works hard, unlike Bare Minimum Marcy, she never breaks a sweat. She’s too perfect to sweat. She might glisten a little but only slightly on her forehead where it makes her wispy hair look sexy, not between her thighs and under her pits like the rest of us. Barbie has all the right moves, never has gas and never ever breaks a rule. Barbie is in no way offensive. I’m just jealous because I want to BE Workout Barbie.

The IE Mommy

The IE Mommy

I am a stay at home mom of three; ages 7, 6 and 1! I love doing product reviews and finding the best things to use for my family. Reading and writing have always been my passions so this allows me to incorporate them with the things that mean the most to me!
The IE Mommy

Comments

  1. LOL. I love this. I am not one for big group exercises but I love this post.

  2. I have an opposite olivia in Zumba, drives me crazy!

  3. OH HOW FUNNY! I see these ladies everywhere, not just at the gym!

  4. Ok so the personal space and gassy ones are the ones that bother me the most. OMG! haha

  5. Marah Skidmore says:

    Sigh. Alas, I would be Opposite Olivia 🙁 Years ago, many many years ago, when I belonged to a gym I would occasionally join an aerobics class. I stuck out like a sore thumb since I was in my late twenties and the only classes that I was even remotely comfortable joining in with were with for ladies 55+. To be kind and courteous to my fellow class members though I always made sure to take the very last spot at the back plus I made to sure to always tell the 4 ladies closest to me, “whatever you do, do not follow me or you will be lost” they would invariably say “oh come now dear, sure you will do just fine” at the beginning of class. By the end of class they would just politely try to pretend that I was invisible. Lol

    • Marah I have been there! Until I got used to it I would hide in the back. But then when everyone turned around, I wasn’t so hidden anymore! Luckily Jazzercise doesn’t do that as much as aerobics!

  6. Okay, these are hilarious! You must have been in one of my Jazzercise classes because I think I know all of these women!

  7. I love your descriptions! I think Gassy Gaby is my favourite and I have meet her at a couple events in the past.

  8. LOL! Love all the funny name titles you have given everyone! This is funny!

  9. I’ve never been to a Jazzercise class but always wanted to attend one. your list reminds me of girls in my Zumba class, we get a few of those!

  10. This was too funny. I think I run into each and everyone of these types of women in my workout classes.

  11. Lol .. this was so funny. Gassy Gabby …lol that must be the worst. I think these people exist in all settings. I hope you enjoy your next class :_)

  12. I was laughing so hard at this! Maybe that’s why I enjoy workouts in my own home. 😉

  13. I can totally relate to this idea in a gym setting. I have people like that in my yoga class. Yikes

  14. I’m DYING!!! I FREAKING LOVE YOU and this amazing list! As an instructor now, all of these hit so much more in depth!
    You are awesome!

  15. OMG too funny. Gassy Gabby was hilarious and so was body odor Brenda. I about peed myself laughing.

  16. I don’t jazzercise, I go boxing but I find these same women in boxing too!!

  17. Debbie Denny says:

    I will get back to ya… Busy getting up off the floor. lol

  18. LOL that is why I like my DVDs. I work out to them in the peace and quiet of my own home…. Oh wait… you have kids. LOL There is just my Hubs and I.

  19. Ok this list is an absolute crack up! So creative you are for these ten ummm invasive girls! LOL Thank you for the great laugh today…and something to consider next time I work out! LOL

  20. I can’t say that I’ve ever gone to jazzercise BUT have taken aerobic classes. I may or may not have been Singing Stephanie.

  21. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says:

    LOL, those girls are everywhere. In zumba, I am that pushy girl that makes her way to the front row 🙂

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