Just Me Monday – The Guilt Issue

For a very long time my husband has told me that I should be a comedian. He thinks my observations on life are funny. My dear friend has told me that I should be a counselor. She thinks my observations on life are very accurate.

I think I’m just trying to get through life…being “me”.

I think God has put inside me a very big and sincere heart for women and for friendship. It seems that the longer I am in women’s ministry the larger it becomes. I care so much for the women of my church, my personal friends and my family. I want each of them to experience God’s love through friendships, groups and team work.

Of course, life doesn’t quite go as planned and that’s where the funny, the irony, the weird steps in…if there’s a lesson to be shared or learned so be it.

If the jokes are at my expense or the lesson at my risk…that’s okay too! My heart has been heavy to share with you all that I have learned and am learning since becoming a mom when it comes to friendships. I hope you’ll enjoy this Just Me Monday Series – “Women & Friendships”

There is one thing that I have discovered that most women deal with and that is “guilt”. Now when I say most I am not saying all so please if you are not one of these women..then Hallelujah, Praise God and Amen!

But for the rest of us…it seems that guilt is a natural part or our make up…especially as we become moms. Just talking to women in casual conversation has shown me how much we take responsibility for what happens in our lives.

I have seen moms feel guilty about their children. If their child does something wrong…they feel bad. If their child show bad manners…they feel bad. If their child for heaven sake “acts like a child”….they feel bad. It almost like we are darned if we do and darned if we don’t. I’ve been there.

Regrettably that sometimes spills over into our friendships.

As I grew in Christ I also started to learn how to be a better friend. Unfortunately I have also began to take all the responsibility if a friendship didn’t work out right. I am always second-guessing my reactions, interactions and actions if something didn’t quite work out. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something rudely? Perhaps I wore the wrong outfit (lipstick, shoes, makeup, etc). I still do it to this day and I have been a Christian for a long time. My desire to make everything right and my ability to accept the guilt if it doesn’t work out…sometimes is an overwhelming handicap.

If you fit into this category then here is my advice for you: “STOP IT“! Yep, that simple….just stop it. Guilt is a very powerful emotion and when it is in the right place and time…it can be beneficial. If you flipped off the guy driving next to you on the freeway…yes, feel guilty..that was wrong! If you stole a pack of gum…guilt is good for you. If you lied or gossiped about your friend…with out a doubt you should feel guilty. Those actions are wrong and guilt will help you to ask forgiveness and seek a resolution.

But if you weren’t invited to the latest play date, or if your friend doesn’t compliment your outfit or if someone you know just stops talking to you…don’t feel guilty! You know as I am writing this…it sounds so ridiculous that women would feel guilty over those things but believe me..it’s true. I know too many women that think if something goes wrong or they are not included it must be something “they” did.

But is that what Christ wants from us? I don’t think so…In 2 Timothy 1:7 we are told “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” The Message uses the words “God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible” and the New King James says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind“.

Reading just this one scripture alone reminds me that God is not a God of Chaos and does not want me feeling guilt at every thing. There is a time and place to take responsibility for our actions. There is a time and place to see that others hold responsibility for the situation. Most importantly there is a time and place to realize that guilt can be ridiculous and filled with chaos. It leaves our heart, soul and mind restless. Isaiah 45:18 “For the Lord is God,and he created the heavens and earth and put everything in place.He made the world to be lived in,not to be a place of empty chaos…”

Dear sisters…when the guilt comes knocking at the door…don’t be afraid to ask the Lord…”Is this genuine Lord? Is this righfully mine?” and if the answer is no then remember He did not create us with a spirit of fear or timidity. He did not create us to live in chaos. He offers us a place of rest. Matthew 11:28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

And…also dear friend…always remember you are not alone!